Best of 2009: Word of the Year

Main Entry: abide
Pronunciation: \ə-ˈbīd\
Function: verb

transitive verb 1 : to wait for : await
2 a : to endure without yielding : withstand b : to bear patiently : tolerate
3 : to accept without objection

intransitive verb 1 : to remain stable or fixed in a state
2 : to continue in a place : sojourn

This year has been a time of change for me.  I moved to a new country, established a home, planned a wedding/got married, cared for a dying car, had a kitty crisis, joined a gym, started a blog, and founded a philosophy.  That adds up to a lot of stress on my part; historically, something I’ve not been very good at handling.

But this year, it’s been different.  I magically found myself able to roll with (most) punches instead of freaking out  (although I did fall into hystronics occasionally).  Wedding details blew up, and I managed to ignore my inner control freak to smooth them over, and I never turned into a Bridezilla (even after people told me I’m totally that kind of person).  I’ve gotten a stronger grip on my irrational jealousy, as well as my desperate need to please other people.  While it’s not all perfectly erased, my tendencies toward despair are melting away.  Maybe it’s maturity, maybe it’s short-term memory loss.  Either way, I’m welcoming the change.

And thus my word of the year is abide.

Not in the I’m-a-doormat kinda way, but in that The-Dude-Abides kinda way.

I’ve learned the art of abiding.

Edited: December 31st, 2009

Best of 2009: New Person

You guys can probably already guess this one; I talk about her enough that you guys probably think we’re “special friends”.  My favourite new person this year is Birdie.

I met her through Twitter (after stalking her site and twitterfeed for about a month) during the setup period of my blog.  I’d been bitching and moaning about how very little I know about CSS, and she swooped in with DMs and eventually email to help me get on my feet.  Sweet, right?

We got to talking one day after exchanging personal email/Gchat info, and I explained my wholestyle idea to her.  Through a series of conversations spanning days, she helped me put my nebulous feelings into words, effectively translating all my crazies into a coherent and real philosophy (which you can read here).  I couldn’t ask for a better partner in crime!

After getting past all the initial “are you a crazy person from the internet” weirdness, both of us opened up and we started talking every day about just about anything.  Turns out we get along awesome (although that’s not to say we haven’t butted heads (cos there’ve been some doozy days)).  We bounce creative ideas off each other, vent when shit’s fucked up, confide our fears, get each other out of “the hole”, crack each other up, drool over fashion we can’t afford, and generally wish we didn’t live on completely opposite sides of the continent.

So yeah.

Birdie,

Thank you for doing everything you do; I couldn’t have done any of this without your help, encouragement, and persistant ass-kicking.  Thank you for sharing your fears with me and listening to mine.  Thank you for making me giggle at completely immature things like poop and farts.  Thank you for enduring my obsession with Robert Downey, Jr.  Thank you for reminding me that I’m amazing when I feel the least worth the dirt I’m made of.  Thank you for lending me writing space when I had none.  Thank you for sending me links to Bloggess articles and LOLcats all day.  Thank you for letting me comfort you as best I can when you’re sad.  Thank you for valuing my opinion.  Thank you for putting trust in me.

Like everything in our lives, we’ve had ups and downs in our short time knowing each other, but I think every minute has been supremely worth it.

Thank you for being my Super Twin (or Borg Sister, whichever it is today).

xxxooo,

Edited: December 28th, 2009

Best of 2009: Project

My best project of 2009?  It’s a two-way tie between starting Jaka’s Tea Party and rolling out the Wholestyle Manifesto.  Which works out since they’re inter-related anyway.

Back at the launch of this site, I wrote a little intro explaining how I got here.  I’ll repost the important parts for those too lazy to go back and find it (including me):

Enter Doe Deere and the ever-popular Gala Darling. Cliche by now, I know. I stumbled on these lovely ladies completely by accident and it opened up a whole new wing of the internet for me. So colourful! So positive! So hip! So sassy! I was totally agog. And so I dove deeper and deeper, discovering so many fashionable nooks and explosive crannies (my, but that sounds dirty, doesn’t it) that my head nearly imploded. What a wonderful section of blogsphere I’d stumbled upon! I fell in love.

Then the pieces matched up and I thought, “Hey…I should do this!”

[...]  Jaka’s Tea Party is a work in progress. I’m still searching for a solid theme to follow and a gajillion other things too boring or terrifying (for me) to mention.  I have no set posting schedule, no backlog of articles, no lists of topics, no general plan whatsoever as of yet. But it’ll come. The best advice I’ve read so far has been from the inspiring Ms. Nubby Twiglet – “While preparation is great, perfection is impossible. Waiting isn’t doing you any favors.” It’s hard for me to swallow, I’ll admit, but I’m taking baby steps toward changing my neurotic need for everything to be justright before I unveil it.

Six months later, I’ve gone through some good times and some tough times, finding out a lot about myself in the process.  I love that I have this little space in the web, but I often wonder why I do it.  There’s a lot of introspection that goes on every day to see where I want to take it, along with all kinds of metacognition about blogging.

The wholestyle project is actually the seed of my entire foray into the web and the impetus for this site.  I wanted to come up with a term for what I feel is the key to true style: knowledge and culture.  I’m so freaking passionate about this idea and I’m having a hell of a time getting the word out.  I want to shout it out from the rooftops, hand out flyers like a weirdo on the street, send postcards to strangers.  Thankfully, Miss Birdie has been absolutely incredible in her support and her help has gotten lots of amazing people to hear the gospel.

The dream is to have a network site where people can come to exchange ideas, share information, chitchat, write, and generally just create a community for the philosophy.  With any luck, my purchase of a supersekrit domain name will pay off in the next month or so and we’ll be able to move forward with the project.  I wish I had more to write about this, but I find that I have trouble putting the emotions into words when it comes to my passions (something I’ll have to work on).

Thanks to all of you for supporting me and my wacky ideas.  Yes, I struggle with it, but it’s wonderful people like you reading this right now that keep me at it and sorting out the kinks.  I’m glad you’ve all buckled in for the ride.

Edited: December 21st, 2009

Best of 2009: Album

To be fair, I don’t often get the chance to listen to a lot of new music during the year.  I’m definitely one of those people who mostly likes stuff they’ve heard before, and I usually only hear about new cool tunes through my brother or dad.  When I’m in the car, I either listen to news radio [I know, I'm such an old lady] or audiobooks.

But this year, I found out about Kate Sloan all by myself!  You can read my fangirl review here.

Kate’s first album is home-burned and consists of demos, studio, and live offerings, and it’s worth more than every penny of the sale price.  Whatever I’m feeling on whatever day, I can pop in this record and instantly I’m all bouncy and full of sunshine (yes, even for the sad songs).

Do yourself a favor: read the review,  go to her Etsy store, and check out her YouTube channel.

Go!  Now!  Shoo!

Edited: December 10th, 2009

Best of 2009: Books

I know that this entry is supposed to focus on the one book I read that blew my mind (and was supposed to appear on the 4th), but frankly, my memory is about a minute and a half long, so it’s hard for me to remember all the gut reactions and epiphanies I may have had while reading during the year.  So rather than try to write a heartfelt treatise on something I hardly remember, I’ve decided to publish the list of books I’ve read this year.  I’ve been keeping a book diary since 1998, faithfully jotting down everything after I finish it and here’s my 2009 list [[Yes, I know it's embarrassingly short.]].

I promise no spoilers.  If you want to know more review-y type stuff, click the Amazon links.

1. Inkdeath – Cornelia Funke:  The last book in the Inkheart triology, the first two of which I got for Christmas a few years ago.  I read parts one and two ravenously, only to find out that a precious character dies suddenly at the end of the second book.  I was pissed!  Then I had to wait three years for closure!  But it was totally worth it.  The storyline isn’t terribly complicated, but all the aspects of high fantasy are there, presented in a completely unpretentious way.  Funke’s simple, flowing writing style binds you fast to the characters, endearing them to you instantly, and whisks you away.  It’s a young adult novel, so expect to get all emotional more than once (I cried at least three times).
2. The His Dark Materials Trilogy (comprising The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, The Amber Spyglass):  I picked up the first book totally from lack of other reading material.  The movie had just come out and I was sick up to here with the goddamn hype, so I wasn’t terribly excited about it.  Oh, how wrong I was – I read all three in a week.  Where Funke’s books are simple and slow, Pullman hammers you from the outset with symbolism, metaphor, allusion, characterization, and, most importantly, allegory.  I’d already been told about the “Satanist” leanings of the message, so I was constantly pausing in my reading to think about how it all fit together.  And yet, you could wander right through the story and enjoy it as a straight fantasy novel.  Perfect.  As a unit, these books are probably the #2 best books I read this year, simply because of how many layers they have.
3. The Adventures of Blue Avenger – Norma Howe:  Sometimes you need to read something fun.  This book definitely fills that slot.  The story is simple, the characters are simple, the theme is simple.  But when you center your story around a kid who feels like he’s too special to have a “normal” name and a pie recipe, you’ve got my vote.  This was the first in a long string of young adult (YA) books this year, but I do love the genre.
4. Planet Janet – Dylan Sheldon:  It’s like “Bridget Jones’ Diary” made an angsty teenage girl baby with “The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, aged 13 1/4″.  Again, it’s a YA book, so there’s nothing much complicated going on – a troubled home life, a dorky brother, obsessive boy-watching, best mate who is awesome.  But I learned how to use “v.” for “very” and the conclusion is actually not the sappy wrapup you might expect.
5. Mirror, Mirror – Reflections on the Sacred Self – Patricia Telesco:  I like reading body-image books (see #8), and this one takes a spiritual stance on the topic, so I thought I’d give it a shot.  The writing’s a bit stilted, but the basic ideas are there.  I haven’t done the exercises, although several of them seem worthwhile.  Overall, though, I was a bit unimpressed with this one.
6. Wasteland – Francesca Lia Block:  I love this woman.  I’d have her babies if I could.  Her books are always emotionally raw, deep, and leave a mark on me; this one’s no exception.  It deals with a (fictional) reaccounting of wrestling with incestuous feelings, death, and guilt.  Short page-wise, it felt like an age reading it – not because it’s boring, but because it’s so heart-wrenching.  Block’s mastery of language cuts right through you.  “Trigger warning” and all, I highly recommend it.
7. The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency – Alexander McCall Smith:  I won’t lie – this is another one I resisted for a long time (no idea why).  But I picked it up during a wait in the airport and was pleasantly surprised.  The descriptions of Botswana, the love of country and people, permeates every page.  You can practially feel the warmth of the sun.  And the characterization of Mma. Ramtoswe mirrors the depiction of the nation – simple, proud, radiant.  The mystery aspect of the story almost takes a backseat to the stories of the characters themselves, without the reader realizing it.  I’d like to get hold of the rest of the series just to see how Mma. Ramtoswe gets on.
8. The Body Sacred – Dianne Sylvan:  I’ve read this every year since it was published in 2005 and can’t recommend it enough.  This is the book that’s done the most good for my personal journey to self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-understanding.  Sylvan opens up vulnerable parts of her own life to help her reader see that they’re not alone and that they don’t have to accept the pressures of others.  She takes us through nine aspects of the Goddess, each with her own lessons on the self, encouraging us to use what fits, ignore what doesn’t, and most of all move forward.  It’s hard for me to write about this book in this format because it’s been such a powerful force in my life; I’ve considered writing a full post for it many times.
9. Alt Ed – Catherine Atkins:  Yes, more YA (don’t judge me!).  This is a fairly typical example, too: an overweight, shy teenage girl, troubled home life, social problems.  You know the drill.  But even though it’s standard stuff, the writing is solid, making it a decent brain-candy choice.
10. The Circle Within – Dianne Sylvan:  This is Sylvan’s first book and it focuses on breaking away from the strict structure of more traditional Wicca to find your own path.  By her own admission, the writing is very anti-establishment and slightly angry, but I think that adds to the message rather than detracting from it.  Like the “angry young man” bands who changed the music world in the 70s, this kind of non-system spirituality incites change.  I read this a while back, but wanted to re-read in an effort to re-connect with my personal beliefs and largely-abandoned practice.
11. Big, Bold and Beautiful: Living Large on a Small Planet – Jackqueline Hope:  I’ve actually written a full review of this book already (yay!).  Check it out here.
12. Cycler – Lauren McLaughlin:  At first, I thought this was a true story (mostly due to the fact that I have an advance copy with three sentences on the back), but it turns out to be fiction, which is actually more comforting.  The story is strange and the narrative switches off between Jack and Jill as they tell their half of the story during their “time”.  The characters have very distinctive voices, which I thought would be more difficult given that it’s a boy and a girl sharing a body.  The resolution leaves you hanging, and I liked it well enough that I’ve added “Recycler” to my wishlist.
13. Garbagehead – Christopher Willard:  I picked this up totally on a whim at a library book sale (which is where I buy most of my reading material nowadays) and I’m so glad I did.  Trouble is, it’s a little hard to explain.  The story’s written in one- or two-sentence paragraphs designed to imitate chat conversations, which underscores the overall message that we’re too plugged in and connected these days for our own good.  Think Vonnegut writes YA.
14. The 13 1/2 Lives of Captain Bluebear – Walter Moers:  Every year, my dad buys me a book or two at Christmas that I have no interest in reading.  But then, without fail, a year or two later I read them and love it.  I don’t know what my problems is; you’d think I’d learn.  This is a sprawling fantasy-adventure story translated from German, making the prose’s pace and wording something to get used to, but it’s totally worth it.  Fantastic creatures and an incredible journey, a magic encyclopedia and a gargantuan phantom boat, and a blue bear finding his purpose.  The world Moers creates is almost achingly detailed, contrasting the simplicity of the protagonist.

That actually turned out to be more of a thing than I expected!  I’d love to hear your thoughts if you’ve read any of these books, and if you’ve got any reading suggestions for the new year, let me know.  Happy reading!

Edited: December 9th, 2009

Best of 2009: Blog

This is my first year in the blogsphere, and I mean that quite literally.  Before March, I hadn’t read anything that wasn’t on Livejournal and my first post in my own domain came in July.  So for me to choose only one blog that’s changed my world this year is not only impossible, but dishonest.

The blogs that started me out in the ’sphere aren’t necessarily the ones that inspire me most now nor are the ones that I’ve just come across automatically dismissed.  I have 219 subscriptions in my Reader now (and yes, I clear it every weekday).  I’d love to list everyone here, but my head might explode and you might faint.  We can’t have any of that.

These are my top five, in no particular order.

• The Bloggess:  Think Hunter S. Thompson with boobs.  And a wig.  No matter how much I’ve got to do in the day, if Jenny’s got a new post up, I make the time to read it.  Her evil hilarious rants about sex dungeons, stuffed boar heads, and Xanax never fail to put a sadistic grin on my face.  And make me shoot Coke out of my nose.
• No Titles:  Mary’s a big fan of creative non-fiction and it shows; you can tell how much love and care she puts into her writing.  Her articles walk that fine line between personal blog and themed content, somewhere between the emotional chaos of daily life and the carefully structured facade of Salon.
• Agent Lover:  Sass, style, sexiness: Marie’s got them all in spades.  Except they’re red spades and in the form of a little cake on top of her head.  That and her obsession with love of John Stamos makes me squee whenever she posts.
• Dancing Down the Moon:  I was beyond jazzed to find that Dianne Sylvan has a blog.  Her personal approach to spirituality closely mirrors my own, providing me inspiration in lots of areas of my life.  She also writes about vegan food, ecstatic dance, and magical music; she even writes sexy vampire stories!
• Bonne Vie:  This list wouldn’t be complete without mentioning this site.  This was one of the first blogs I started reading and it inspired me to get started on my own.  Birdie’s posts cover the gamut and include research with frank opinion and gushing, which makes for a well-rounded and insightful read.

Thank you to every one of these special, wonderful, beautiful women for sharing your thoughts and wisdom (and hilarity) with the world.  You’ve truly made my internet a better place and motivated me to keep it up when I feel like tossing in the towel.

Edited: December 8th, 2009

Best of 2009: Article

As many of you know, Mr. Man and I got married back in June (and it was glorious!).  But I’ve always had some rather stinging personal insecurities when it comes to the long-term aspect of my relationship.  They’ve got very little to do with the person I’m with and everything to do with (largely unfounded) fear, centering around infidelity, boredom, expectations, and resentment.  It doesn’t bother me the majority of the time (and definitely not as much as it did when I was younger), but every once in a while something happens and I start sliding into “the hole”, inconsolable until I’ve worked through to the other side.

In the course of my massive internet-reading during the day, I inevitably come across things that trigger me or hit close to something I’m sensitive about.  But this year, because I’d agreed to take my step up my relationship and commit to one man for the rest of my life, I decided that I would make valiant attempts to push through these moments of insecurity on my own. So when these three articles came across my desk, they each turned into a day-long battle with myself full of questions and rationale.  While I won’t go into great detail about my emotional quagmires, I’d like to give a brief overview of why these pieces gave me pause.

• Surviving Infidelity: His, Mine, and Ours: Cheating is one of my biggest relationship fears, and it doesn’t help that it’s comprised of so many different aspects and delicate balances.  The story of this woman’s marriage travelling a rollercoaster of what seems to me the culmination of everything that keeps me up at night had me pinned to my chair.  But in the end it’s okay.  They survive, even though the situation(s) could have been handled with far more grace and maturity.  More than survive, they flourish, finding their love stronger for their growth.  While the story isn’t a happy one, the article both challenged me to think about why I’m afraid of infidelity and gave me hope that it wouldn’t be the end.
• Those Aren’t Fighting Words, Dear:  Abandonment is another one high on my list – the fear of one day my husband turning to me and saying “I don’t love you anymore.”  I break out in sweats over this if I let it get too far ahead of me.  This woman refused to allow what she believed to be a passing mid-life crisis destroy her or her family by quietly saying “I don’t believe you” and giving her husband six months of space.  And in the end, he realized it wasn’t true; he had just lost his personal pride and took it out in the wrong place.  I wonder if I could be so strong as to weather this kind of storm, should it come.
• It’s Hot! It’s Sexy! It’s…Marriage!:  This article is my favourite (it helps that it’s funny, too).  The other two gave me reasons to think about my issues, but this one filled me so full of hope I thought I’d explode.  Even though he talks about fantasizing about other (younger and prettier) women, which gives me twinges of nausea, and he’s very open about marriage being difficult at times, this guy loves being married.  His dismisses the notions of running off with a newer model, rhapsodizes about his wife, and generally paints it a realistic colour.  I printed this one out, highlighted it, and hung it on my wall.

It’s a bit strange that these articles are the ones that stand out most to me when, in this year alone, I’ve done more recreational “news” reading than any other year of my life. I’ve read about everything from new links in the evolutionary chain to grand disappointment in the new Mickey video game.  But striking my emotional chords seems to really do the trick.  My marriage is extremely important to me (even though I do have trouble vocalizing that sometimes), and I’m actively working to accept the universe’s suggestions in the form of other people’s writing in an effort to quell my fears and move forward.

Edited: December 3rd, 2009

Best of 2009: Trip

[[Many thanks to all the lovely blogladies out there that inadvertantly pointed me to this challenge issued by the illustrious Gwen Bell.  I may not write about all the topics, but I think that December is a wonderful time for reflection, so I'll give it a whirl.]]

Hands-down, the best trip I’ve taken all year was the honeymoon. I wrote about our Orlando Disney adventures a while back, but the rest of the vacation was just as magical.   Both Mr. Man and I couldn’t have been more ready for a getaway; the sunny shores and sparkling sea were exactly what we needed.  In fact, we might even go so far as to look into getting a timeshare (gaspshock!).  Here are my favourite pictures from the best week of my traveling year.

xxxooo,

Edited: December 1st, 2009