There’s something great about reading a memoir, particularly a story as inspirational as this one. The insight satisfies the voyeur in me. I can’t help it; I’m nosy.
Jackqueline Hope married young, at a size 12, and through a traumatic and abusive relationship (including motherhood), rose to over 300lbs in a few short years. She was told by family, friends, and even strangers that she would “be so pretty” if only she’d lose weight. Against her better judgement, she succumbed to that pressure and yo-yo dieted for years, just to make other people happy.
But one day she realized, in a sudden epiphany, that she didn’t have to live up to anyone else’s standards. She left her husband, became Canada’s first plus-sized model, opened her own business (Big, Bold and Beautiful), started a fashion line (Jackie Jackie), founded a modeling agency (Plus Figure Models), and inspired scores of other women to shut out society’s negative messages and embrace themselves. She continued to improve her self-esteem while traveling along the racks from sizes 12-28, never returning to her former days of bending to others’ expectations. Hope embraces fitness and a healthy mentality about food, as well as tackles the stereotypes and cruelties of the fashion world. She believes that every woman deserves to feel lovable, sexy, and beautiful, no matter what her shape or size.
What’s intriguing and wonderful about Hope’s story is that, despite feeling the pressure and enduring the pain of feeling like she deserved the weight-based abuse, Hope never understood why other people didn’t think she was beautiful, no matter her size. She had been looking in the mirror and liking what she saw; she knew for a fact that she was beautiful. Unlike so many of us, she managed to avoid internalizing the media messages and the current beauty myth – rather than thinking I’m ugly, she thought If other people want me to be thin, I’ll try to do that for them. But I’m beautiful already. While that isn’t particularly healthy either, it’s a perspective that we don’t often hear about in size-talk.
Here are a few snippets from the book to lure you in:
“I wasn’t going to hate [my body] just because it didn’t fit into a wedding dress, nor was I going to hate it because others were finding it unattractive.”
“As long as I am healthy and active, who cares if I never make the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated? I admire the woman who feels free to dance naked in the garden no matter what her size.”
“How conceited could I be to think that if would be my fault that someone was being rude and cruel [about my body]? Instead, I began to think, ‘Wow, do they have a big problem. I’m wonderful. Why are they speaking that way? Staring like that?’”
“I inflicted pain on myself to make someone else happy, when all along my body wasn’t the problem.”
“Life is not something to be put on hold. Beauty does not stop at a size 14.”
Hope’s conversational writing style is perfect for this kind of story. It’s deeply personal and unashamed, speaking to the reader honestly. Although I’m on the cusp between “normal” and “plus-sized”, I found myself identifying with and rooting for Hope in her struggles. It’s a short read (only 190 pages) and shouldn’t be missed.
Take-home message: No matter what size or shape you are, no one has the right to tell you that you’re not good enough. You should always be free to feel beautiful.
Source: Hope, Jackqueline. Big, Bold and Beautiful: Living Large on a Small Planet. Toronto: Macmillan Canada, 1996.
In the Press:
Interested in being a plus-size model?:
Do you feel like you’ve internalized the beauty myth, or have you managed, like Hope, to keep it separate from your inner monologue? Have ever considered modelling and rejected the idea? Why?
Edited: August 19th, 2009
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Dr. Bones sez: “Plz don’ go!”
